The Doctor and the Trickster
by AlternativeChick
Summary: Zahara Dire is the most wanted woman in all of New America. When her plans to break into Area 51.2 are stopped by authorities, she's faced with the death sentace. And it looks like she's getting it... until she meets her lawer, a nutcase called the Doctor
1. Abandoned Factories Make Good Hideouts

**Weird idea that came to me the other day… well actually it was like a few months ago, I just needed to adapt the plot and all that stuff. I'm not even gonna bother with English spelling cause the red lines under words when you spell them wrong is annoying. Besides, Zahara is American. And I don't own Doctor Who 'cause it'd stink if I was in charge.**

Zahara Dire is the number one criminal of the 51st century. She is never caught. Never seen. Never heard. And if you do see her, the barrel of her gun will be the last thing you see. She leaves no traces other than a note saying "Didn't see that one coming did you? ~ Dire." She might be a criminal, but she's not rude. If she's gonna hack the White House data base, she should at least let the president know he needs better security. That way she gets a better challenge next time.

_A better challenge... _Zahara thought. She hadn't broken into Area 51.2 in the past year. _I wonder if they've missed me? _She thought with a smirk. Every year she had a tradition of breaking into Area 51.2 and stealing the government files on a century from Old Earth. It was her way of congratulating herself on another year of not getting caught by the Judoon and to find new ways of killing when it was needed. Only problem was she'd gotten far from New New Mexico. After nearly getting caught by the Feds last year, she decided the new southwest was not a safe place and got outta there s fast as she could. She has finally found a place where no one would look for her, New Detroit. The city was once the industrial capital of New Earth, but was destroyed in the Second American Civil War. And unlike Old Atlanta in the first Civil War, it wasn't going to rise up from the ashes. The abandoned factories were a perfect hideout. But if Zahara was going to Area 51.2 then she would transport. She smirked. _Another excuse to steal something… _She thought. The best way to get across the country fast was a vortex manipulator. And the best way to get one of those was to con a time agent...

**Just a bit of background story and begging to show the plot line and stuff. Don't worry, the Doctor _should _show up in the next chapter/segment thingy. And someone else… ;) Spoilers!**


	2. The Doctor

**SO sorry it took me forever to get this up to the four people reading this. Literally the day after I posted the first chapter, I realized I had a bazillion things going on and life got kinda chaotic. BUT, nonetheless, here's the _real _story:**

Captain Jack Harkness is a regular at Angles & Demons. The New Detroit bar was like Mos Eisley in the 20th century movie, _Star Wars._ It was a favorite of not only Jack, but a lot of other questionable characters. The only downside was that the Judoon searched the place every Sunday looking for escaped criminals. Needless to say, the bar was empty Sundays, but purchasing alcohol on a Sunday was illegal in the state of New Michigan anyways.

_As if that matters to any scumbag here_, Jack thought, finishing his drink. He looked around. This was about the time when he chose his next victim. It didn't take him long to spot her. As usual, his target was the best looking person in the building (witch would normally take him forever to decide), but tonight was different. This time, he hit the jackpot. Across the room he spotted her. She was tall and thin. Her long black hair was tied into an elegant braid over her shoulder. Her dark eyes were scanning the room as Jack's had before. Lucky for Jack, she didn't see him. She looked like she was searching for someone. _Now's my chance_, Jack thought, beginning to make his way over to his next victim.

"Hello, gorgeous," Jack said upon reaching her. He took her hand and kissed it. "Captain Jack Harkness. And you would be…?"

She rolled her eyes and stopped at his wrist. Sitting there was her prize, the vortex manipulator. _He fell right into my trap, the stupid boy_, Zahara thought.

"What? Don't act like you don't love it." Jack moved closer. She'd fall into his trap any time now.

"I don't do Time Agents," Zahara said and walked away. Her plan was working perfectly.

"Who said I was a Time Agent?" he called chasing after her.

"Vortex manipulator. Dead give away."

"Oh, this? Stolen."

"So you're a thief, eh?"

"You're the thief!"

Zahara became tense. He knew who she was.

"You've stolen my heart…" Jack said.

Zahara relaxed. Her plan was still going strong.

"And I never even got your name, sweet heart," he moved closer again. A criminal like him just might do her some good. She'd get her transport and possibly a partner in crime.

"Don't tell anyone but…" she leaned over and whispered in his ear, "I'm Zahara Dire."

"No…" he muttered.

Zahara shot him a questioning look. "Excuse me?"

"The Judoon are here." Jack was looking across the room where, sure enough, the Judoon had decided to show their ugly faces.

Thinking quickly, Zahara grabbed Jack's wrist and entered the coordinates for her hideout in his vortex manipulator. Nothing happened. "Why isn't it working?" Zahara said annoyed.

Jack began to fiddle with the devise himself. "I don't know-"he was shoved back by a crowd trying to run from the Judoon. Zahara cursed to herself and shoved through the crowd looking for the back exit. If they caught her… she didn't want to think about it. Before she could even react, she felt something grab her from behind.

"The Judoon want you in handcuffs. I need money. Let's make this easier for everyone." Jack whispered in her ear.

"And I thought we could be partners…" she said. It wasn't too late to get him on her side.

"In your dreams," he laughed. He raised his sonic blaster to her ear and it emitted a high pitched frequency. Zahara's world faded to black.

When Zahara woke up behind bars and in handcuffs, her first thought wasn't how she got there, but how she'd been so stupid to fall into the trap that she set. It should have been Jack in prison and her planning her next crime. Now she was facing the death sentence. If she could be lucky, she could get away with being sentenced to spending the rest of her life in jail and then break out easily. And if she was _really _lucky, she would get to go to court instead of being killed instantly. Zahara had never been religious, but at that moment she prayed for a way out alive. She sighed. _In handcuffs and behind bars. How could I be so stupid?_

"You're lucky they didn't decide to kill you immediately, Dire," the guard outside har call said. Zahara glared at him.

"You're trial's at noon," he continued, "this is your lawyer, Doctor… uh, what did you say it was?" he turned around only to find the "Doctor" he was addressing was gone. "Where did he-"

"Here I am!" a New English (she assumed from his voice) call from the other end of the hallway. "Sorry, I was just catching up! Found a few old mates!"

The man, who Zahara assumed was a doctor, was standing there with a cheeky grin on his face and a mischievous gleam in his green eyes, which seemed too old for his young face. Then again, he was warring a bowtie. "Hello, I'm the Doctor. Just the Doctor, by the way. I'll be your lawyer today."

"Right…" the guard said staring at him like he was crazy (which he probably was) "You've got two hours 'til the trial. _Don't try anything clever._" And with the he left Zahara with the "Doctor".

"So," he said leaning on the bars of her cell, "What are you here for?"

Zahara groaned and hit her head on the wall behind her. _I'm dead._


	3. A Way Out Alive

**Happy Thanksgiving! Again I'm sorry this took forever, I have procrastination issues and trouble focusing and I'm terrible at making up excuses… I promise I won't take forever on the next chapter and that it will be longer.**

"So what are you here for?" the Doctor asked.

After banging her head on the wall, Zahara stared at him. "You seriously do not know who I am or what I did?"

"Well, I know your name is Zahara Dire and you're going to court in-" he glanced at his watch "-two hours and that I will be defending you and to do so I must know what you did."

Zahara kept staring at him. If his accent wasn't hard enough to understand, his talking fast wasn't helping either. "Where have you been living the past decade? I'm the criminal of the century!" _And proud of it,_ she added in her head.

"I travel. A lot. Everywhere. All of time and space… It's great fun. This one time-" Zahara cleared her throat. If there was one thing she couldn't stand, it was ramblers. "Oh right! The crimes… What did you do?" he asked again.

Zahara sighed and sat up straight. "Let's see… I've hacked Area 51.2 fourteen times-"

"Fourteen times?" the Doctor said in disbelief.

"I started when I was eleven," she continued like it was no big deal, "I've rigged the presidential election three… no four times-"

"So you've been at it since you were a teenager? 'Cause they only have elections every four years. Eight if they reelect the bloke who was president before." The Doctor interrupted again.

"Yes. And are you gonna interrupt after everything that I say?"

"Sorry."

"Anyways, I've stolen a super sonic jet twice, not the same one, attempted to assassinate the president three times and finally got him the fourth time, mugged the Brazilian ambassador, beat up a bunch of Marines, stole a few guns from a few cops, and stole newspapers everyday for the past nine years." She said as if it was nothing. "Oh and I cussed out a priest."

"You do realize that just the Marine part should have you dead." The Doctor stated after a moment.

"Yeah… so you can get me outta this, right?" Zahara asked.

"Give me five minuets." He said almost to himself. The Doctor began to pace around the hall, muttering to himself which made him sound even crazier because he talked with his hands. He kept on, occasionally asking Zahara an impossible to understand question that he answered before she could even respond. After only three minuets, he disappeared around the corner.

"Doctor?" Zahara stood behind the bars of her cell. "Doctor, where are you going?"

"Looks like I was right…" the Doctor said walking back in front of her cell.

"Right about what?" Zahara asked.

"The security here is mad tight, there's only one way you're getting out alive…" he said, a smile spreading across his face.

"What? And why are-"

"Just stay here, I won't be gone for a second… literally." As soon as he was gone, a powerful wind filled the cell. But there weren't any windows and it wasn't coming from the hall. It was coming from the corner opposite where Zahara was standing. The faint noise that sounded like a machine wheezing grew louder as she turned to see something beginning to materialize from where the wind came from. The wind grew stronger with the sound and the object became clearer. But it couldn't be… that just didn't make sense…

Standing in her prison cell was a blue police phone box.

"What the…" Zahara muttered as the door swinging open and the Doctor popped his head out.

"Isn't she magnificent?" he walked out and stood in front of her. Zahara remained speechless. "This is my TARDIS. Time and relative dimension in space."

"Wha…" she said faintly "How… but it's a box. How do you time travel in a… _What?_"

"I told you, only way out alive. Hop in." he smiled.

"It's a box." Zahara stated, having found her voice again.

"Yes! And _she _is also quite noisy when it comes to landing so the guards may have heard her and may be on their way her and she is you only way out alive…" the Doctor said stepping out of the way so she could enter the TARDIS. Reluctantly, she went in.

"Oh my god…"


End file.
